What Was I Thinking?
By Rabbi Mendy Stern, Shlit”a
S’gan Rosh Kollel
וָאֹמַר אֶל אֲדֹנִי אֻלַי לֹא תֵלֵךְ הָאִשָּׁה אַחֲרָי (24,39)
“And I said to my master, maybe the woman will not follow me.”
Rashi comments on this verse: אלי כתיב, בת היתה לו לאליעזר, והיה מחזר למצוא עילה שיאמר לו אברהם לפנות אליו להשיאו בתו כו', “The word אולי (maybe) is written here without the letter ו as if to read אלי (to me), because Eliezer had a daughter, and he was looking for a reason that Avraham should ask him to marry his daughter to Yitzchok.”
On the surface, Eliezer’s question to Avraham sounded quite reasonable: what should he do if the girl he finds refuses to follow him? Nevertheless, the Torah indicates to us that there was an undercurrent of self interest in his words. Eliezer wasn’t exclusively concerned about the outcome of his mission, rather he was looking for an excuse to put forth his daughter as a candidate for marriage to Yitzchok.
This verse with its particular spelling, does not appear with the initial instructions which Avraham gave Eliezer; only later when Eliezer is relaying his instructions to Rivka’s family. The Kli Yakar asks why the Torah waited until this point to share this insight into Eliezer’s motivations. Should it not have been told to us as part of the original story? Why, then, is the word אולי written with a ו in the actual occurrence, and only written without a ו in the retelling?
Many Gedolim have answered that Eliezer himself didn’t consciously intend to influence Avraham. His conscious motivation was to do his due diligence to make sure to fulfill his mission in the proper way. The truth, however, was that his question was motivated by his subconscious desire that his mission should fail, so that his own daughter would be requested as the wife for Yitzchok.
Only after Avraham Avinu told Eliezer in no uncertain terms that his daughter was not an acceptable match for Yitzchok did Eliezer realize what his true motivation had been. Therefore, only when Eliezer repeated the story to Besuel and Lavan did the Torah write אלי without a ו, because at that point Eliezer himself understood that that was what he had meant.
We learn from here a tremendous lesson. When a person has a vested interest in something, it is like a bribe that blinds him and prevents him from seeing the truth of his actions or words. A person in that situation can’t trust himself to make an objective decision, since his own self interests prevent him from seeing clearly.
For example, a person decides to forgo his usual nightly Torah class because he’s under the weather, and he wants to prevent himself from getting really sick. Sometimes that is indeed the case, and he truly needs the extra sleep. However, it is also possible that he is being lazy, and using that as an excuse.
It is very hard to pinpoint the truth in these matters. Even someone as great as Eliezer, who taught Avraham Avinu’s Torah to the masses, was not immune from this problem. If so, how can we expect ourselves to make the right decisions, and not be subliminally swayed by our self interests?
The first step is to be aware of the issue. If a person is conscious of his self interests and the subconscious challenge they can pose, he is no longer completely blind. He is at least aware of the potential problem. This doesn’t preclude him from deluding himself, but at least he has a chance to make an objective decision.
The best way to deal with this problem is to ask for advice. When you ask a friend, mentor, Rav or Rebbe for advice, they don’t have those selfish interests that you have. They are therefore able to look at the issue objectively and to guide you accordingly.
We should all merit to serve Hashem properly, by making the correct choices in all of our life decisions, be they great or small.
Have a wonderful Shabbos.
